Sunday, February 3, 2008

There is something controlling, insulting and incriminating lurking in my bathroom... it's my scale! I hate that thing, yet I'm always drawn back to it. It knows when I've been laying off the sweets, or if I've had a bad day, or how fun the holidays were... not even my own husband knows me as well as this plastic square device.

The other evening my hubby stepped on the scale and was delighted to find he'd lost yet another pound! Then he gestured toward it, "go ahead!" he declared excitedly. As I slowly stepped toward it, the events of my day were rapidly playing in my mind: peanut butter waffles, banana, brownie, cheese enchilada, rice, brownie, Pepsi, 1 baby carrot, 5 wheat thins, brownie... I thought maybe the scale would be in a kind and generous mood, because we all know how tempermental a scale can be.

I stepped up on it and held my breath. Slowly the numbers creeped up and up... and slowly my blood pressure rose faster and faster. And there it was, in all it's glory, the final number. At least I didn't break the scale, I thought. "Well, there you go!" I said. "I'll need to take a couple pounds off for my Ugg boots, and then another pound or so off for my sweatshirt. Also, it's been a long time since I've used the bathroom, and..." As I looked at my hubby my voice trailed off. He was standing there, hands on hips, shaking his head and smirking. "You're pathetic." He laughed and left the room. Since I'm so heavy, it's a good thing he finds me amusing, I told myself.

It's a little infuriating, I rationalized to myself. Hubby can lay off the beer and soda for one week, add two extra salads, and lose 6 lbs. I lay off soda and desserts for a week, add a salad to every meal, and gain 12 lbs. along with two new zits on my face. Where is the justification, I wonder...

3 comments:

Gabensysmom said...

I often wonder this very thing myself...I enjoyed this post, well written!

benjiboo said...

Seriously, there's something wrong these odds, huh?!

bertab said...

Got a huge laugh out of this one - and by the way, what's wrong with brownies - they include all the food groups!